If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I cut my penus on the lid.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
