Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
sick fucks of a feather flock together
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
