I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
