I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
