Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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