wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
