I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
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