I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
