Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
