whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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