I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
