We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
