I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
We have started to decorate penises.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
