Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
