We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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