I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
