woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
