Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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