I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Randomize
