She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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