Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
