i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Be still, my beating vagina.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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