i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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