I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
