This dress was meant to end up on your floor
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize