I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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