Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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