Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
