I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
