what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
