I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
