You can't motorboat a personality
Its about making memories worth repressing
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
