Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
