I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
