Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
