Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
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