i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
