Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
