Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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