Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
So drunk its hurt
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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