That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
