If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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