He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
The Olympian is in my bed
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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