Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
