Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
