i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize