don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Green mimosas i think yes
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
