I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
