i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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