Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize