no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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