do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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