I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
