Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
