Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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