She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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