Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
