I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
