And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
