actually, I'm a sock model
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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