my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
grandma shit on top of the toilet
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
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