I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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