She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
