did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
