Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Let's paint friendship bongs
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
