When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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