Can i not drive my cunt home
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
We had to coat check the pizza.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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