I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
