I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
