Swine flu. Run for my life!
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
