I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Randomize
