Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
wow bdsm is so cute
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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