I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Quick, to the slutcave!
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
then he tried to convert me to islam
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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