I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
