You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
