I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
